I cannot concentrate.
Im afraid I have ADD.
I cannot concentrate for more than 30 minutes at a time.
I get distracted too easily.
I don't want to go back to therapy.
They dig.
And dig.
And dig.
They bring up things that make me think.
This makes me emotional.
Emotional.
Vulnerable.
Soft.
Weak.
Let's keep those feelings down in there.
When they're locked up, they can't touch me.
I'm on display in a zoo,
"Please don't feed the animals"
They cant hurt you from the outside.
But they can't make me feel.
Not again.
Only I choose what to feel.
Never look back, we live in fast forward.
-FREEZE-
Deep freeze.
They can't make me talk.
When I talk, I feel.
I feel, I melt.
I melt.
Im soft.
DRY ICE FOR SALE.
“Through clever and constant application of propaganda, people can be made to see paradise as hell, and also the other way round, to consider the most wretched sort of life as paradise.”
-Adolf Hitler
My Aunt Nancy.
Pretty much my most favorite person in the whole entire world. I love her so much, and she understands me on every level. I look more like her than anyone else in my family. We both swear I was actually her child. Im just a younger version of her.
Ever since I can remember, she's always traveled for her job. Shes a Respiratory Therapist. She travels to different hospitals over the country and works for about 6 weeks then comes home for two weeks and leaves again. That's what shes always done. But recently she took an assignment in Hawaii. I was so happy to hear that she would get to be working in paradise. Its Hawaii, right? Well after she extended her contract there TWICE, she decided to take a semi-permanent job there. This means shipping her car overseas, moving all of her life across an ocean, and seeing her at only -possibly- at Christmas.
This news rocked my world.
Im so happy that shes doing what she loves, but I cant help but feel a little selfish. I need her here. She gets me, and I feel like I can tell her anything. She was the only person in the family that I told about my tattoo before anyone else knew. She also kept my secret about my septum ring. I feel like she really cares about what goes on in my life. She asks questions, and she doesnt judge at all. Mom doesnt ask anything. She just listens to what I feel like telling her. Mom doesnt really show an interest.
And I feel like college is suuch a turning point in my life. I need her here to help me though growing up, for real. To teach me how to be an awesome adult. I dont really have any role model that close to me in age thats full grown. I just feel like she/Im missing out on a wonderful relationship that we used to have. And I just cant call her. Time in Hawaii is a good 6 hour difference.
Maybe Im being selfish. Its her life, and shes supposed to live it for her. Not her niece. Im not technically her child, and she has no obligation to me in such a way. I just love her more than I can express, and I need her in my life more than Im getting now.
Good news is, next summer, shes flying my sister and I out to Hawaii for two weeks. Im not so much as excited about going to FREAKING HAWAII, as I am, about the fact that I get to be with her for a whole two weeks. Id be perfectly content if she came back to the states instead.
I dont know what Im going to do without her.
Shes my role model.
So, I've been sick for almost a week, and I went to the doctors today. I left with an inhaler, a steroid shot, steroid pills, and a zpack. Usually, whenever I get put on a new prescription, I research it online. I had three new drugs to look up on Wikipedia tonight.
Prednisone is a synthetic corticosteroid drug that is particularly effective as an immunosuppressant, and affects virtually all of the immune system. It is used to treat certain inflammatory diseases and (at higher doses) cancers, but has significant adverse effects. It is usually taken orally but can be delivered by intramuscular injection or intravenous injection. It has a mainly glucocorticoid effect. Prednisone is a prodrug that is converted by the liver into prednisolone, which is the active drug and also a steroid.
Azithromycin is an azalide, a subclass of macrolide antibiotics.
Azithromycin capsules from Serbia
Azithromycin is one of the world's best-selling antibiotics,[1] sold in the United States under the name Zithromax, and under a variety of brand names and generic labels worldwide. It is derived from erythromycin; however, it differs chemically from erythromycin in that a methyl-substituted nitrogen atom is incorporated into the lactone ring, thus making the lactone ring 15-membered.
Salbutamol (INN) or albuterol (USAN) is a short-acting β2-adrenergic receptor agonist used for the relief of bronchospasm in conditions such as asthma and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. It is marketed by GlaxoSmithKline as Ventolin, Aerolin or Ventorlin depending on the market; by Cipla as Asthalin; by Schering-Plough as Proventil and by Teva as ProAir.
I love being a nerd.
