I just want someone to say they love themselves exactly how they are, and mean it. Every single bigger lady that I've looked up to as a role model, has dropped weight lately. I know its healthier for you, but they made me realize Im perfect just the way I am. Im secure enough in my own skin to know this by now, but they were the people who were all about 'im big and beautiful'. Now theyre average sized with the confidence of a mouse. I don know what it is, but its like when they lose weight, they lose who they are.
This scares me. I dont want to lose weight, because I do not want to change who I am. If I were smaller, I know it would change my personality. And that is the last thing that I want to happen. I love who I am, and I feel like if I shrank like they did, I wouldn't be who I am anymore.
Who is going to stand up for the big beautiful ladies? I guess this girl will. :]
Every little thing, gonna be alright.
The sun will come up tomorrow morning, and set at night. That won't change. I will go to bed, and wake up with new opportunities. Just because something happened yesterday, doesn't meant it has to effect my 'today'.
I will get through this week. I will move onto summer, and I will have an amazing one.
Im freaking out. What do I do? Im trying to decide how the rest of my fucking life will pan out, and Im freaking the fuck out. I didnt realize life would be this difficult.
Do I stay at Morehead and change my major? Or do I go home, and go to Galen School of Nursing?
This is the rest of my life Im dealing with. But how could I leave my life at Morehead? My sisters. My best friends. How am I supposed to leave that?
How am I supposed to change my major and life a full life, knowing I gave up?
I cant do this. Im breaking now. Im so glad I scheduled a visit with the campus therapist tomorrow.
I need you right now.
I need you to listen to me.
I need you to tell me everything is going to be okay.
I need you to distract me.
I need to hear words from you, because I believe them all.
I need you.
I was supposed to get my Acceptance/ Decline letter for Nursing school last week. I still dont have it yet. But somehow, Im okay with it. I have a small feeling down in the guy that I dont want to be accepted into the BSN program. If I did, I would be here for another 3 years. I've already been here two. No thank you. Then comes by back up plan. Applying in the fall for the ADNP program. No problems, right?
But heres where my brain gets confused. I've started second guessing what I want to do in life. What if I changed my mind? Can I change my mind?
You are supposed to love what your future job will be. And I dont. I like the idea, sound and money involved. But I dont know if its something I have the passion for.
I hate going to class on Tuesdays. Its my chem/anatomy days. I hate hate going to these classes! I should love it. Nope. Id rather stay in sociology class all week long. Its something that interest me, and Im good at it. Im not good at Anatomy and Chem.
So now I wait for the letter.
So I went out on two dates this weekend. I had an absolutely wonderful time at both. Date #1, I hadn't seen him in 4 years. He was literally everything I want in a guy. Everything. I seemed so at home with him, and comfortable. And still nervous and fluttery at the same time.
Dae #2. I have known who this man was since I was born. He moved back to Kentucky the summer before I went to college. We've been on and off ever since. I think the reason I was so enthralled with #1, is because he is *just like* #2. They are both so so much alike, and I compared the two.
Just my luck.
